Turning Grief Into Growth: Ksenia J. Merck on Publishing Ghost Flower | Together We Seek Podcast
- Merck II Press
- 6 days ago
- 3 min read
When Ksenia J. Merck’s husband, William F. Merck, II, passed away, he left behind the manuscript of his third novel, Ghost Flower. They had talked about the book often. He was excited about it. She had promised him it would be published.
After he died, that promise became something steady to hold onto.
In her guest appearance on the Together We Seek Podcast show with JJ Deranimo, Ksenia talks about what those early months looked like, how grief affected her physically, and how finishing the book slowly helped her find direction again.
What Grief Actually Felt Like in the Early Days
Ksenia describes grief as something that settled into her whole body. It wasn’t just sadness. It was stress. It was exhaustion. It was brain fog. She was moving through daily responsibilities, but not really feeling present.
There were doctor visits. There were administrative tasks that had to be handled. Life kept going, even when everything felt heavy.
She says she was on autopilot for a while.
The shift didn’t happen all at once. It started when she turned her attention fully to the manuscript.
Publishing Ghost Flower: Fulfilling a Promise
Ghost Flower is a science fiction novel about a future team trying to prevent a massive global crisis. They travel back to 1585—during Shakespeare’s time—to plant clues connected to a mysterious flower that could help save humanity.
It’s a story about sacrifice, responsibility, and long-term impact.
As Ksenia worked through the manuscript, something changed. There were moments when she found herself genuinely engaged—smiling at parts of the story, remembering conversations they had about it. There were still tears. But there was also energy.
That was the first real break in the fog.
Finishing and publishing the book wasn’t just about checking a box. It was about keeping a shared project alive.
Adding Her Own Voice: Illustrations and the Companion Journal
Ksenia didn’t stop at publishing the novel. An artist and architect by training, she created original sketches to accompany the book.
Those sketches eventually became The Ghost Flower Companion Journal. Instead of placing the artwork strictly by chapter, she reorganized it thematically and added reflective questions inspired by the story.
Some of those questions are direct:
Would you sacrifice your present life to protect future generations?
How far would you go for something bigger than yourself?
The journal gave her space to process her own thoughts while still honoring her husband’s vision. She sees the entire project as a continuation of their partnership.
Structure Helped When Everything Felt Unstructured
In her professional life, Ksenia manages large-scale airport capital programs in Orlando. Her work revolves around timelines, coordination, and long-term planning.
Those skills mattered more than she expected during the publishing process. Contracts, edits, production schedules—there were clear steps to follow.
When everything else felt uncertain, structure helped.
But it was the creative work—the drawing, the quiet reflection—that gave her emotional space to work through what she was feeling.
Turning Grief Into Growth (Without Forcing It)
Ksenia doesn’t talk about grief as something you “get over.” Instead, she talks about being open to what she calls a spark.
For her, that spark was the manuscript. It gave her something to focus on. Something meaningful. Something forward-facing.
She believes growth is possible—but only if you’re willing to notice when that spark shows up and take a step toward it.
It won’t look the same for everyone.
What Changed After Loss
One thing she speaks about clearly is perspective.
The small things that used to irritate her don’t carry the same weight anymore. She’s more careful about where she puts her energy. She’s more aware of what actually matters.
That shift didn’t happen overnight. It came slowly, through experience.
What She’s Working on Now
Through Merck II Press, Ksenia continues to write and develop new projects. She’s exploring reflective pieces and additional creative work that builds on the themes in Ghost Flower and the companion journal.
A few years ago, she wouldn’t have imagined sharing her grief publicly. Now, she sees it as part of the path she’s on.
Watch the Full Episode
If you want to hear Ksenia tell this story in her own words—including the hard parts, the turning points, and what she’s building next—watch the full episode.
▶ Watch the complete conversation.
Whether you’re navigating loss yourself or supporting someone who is, her perspective offers something steady and real.
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